I sit in the passenger's seat of the car while you drive. I haven't said a word.
You ask if I'm alright, I just nod, afraid to speak. It's one of those days where the wrong word can make me bawl my eyes out; and I've no plans to cry in front of you again, not if I can help it, not now. My makeup's perfect.
You ask me what I want to eat, I say nothing, let's head back to the office, I need to redraft a proposal. It's the quietest ride we've shared so far, quieter even than the time I almost stopped this all. You ask me if I want anything. I want to break your heart and mine. I want to end this all today, this second. I want to see our world implode and crumple into itself, I need to feel something. I've had a bad day. It's not reason enough to break up with you. So I'm not saying anything. Just leave me to my silence, wait until I remember you aren't a complication, you're a blessing. Just... I'm a little difficult to love today, a bit more distant than I usually am. But that's me when the storms in my head don't want to calm down.
I woke up this morning and recited this to myself: I am the tempest, I am the swirling, foaming sea whose waves swallow ships the size of whales. I am the deepest recesses of the ocean where the monsters lurk and feed off your dreams. I am the hurricane, wild and destructive, pulling trees from their roots and bringing down the highest towers. I am the raging inferno that engulfs forests and mountains, and leaves all blanketed in ash. I am the dragons of lore who fly down from their mountains and bring destruction to all that man has built. I am diamond, I am marble, I am strong. I am the volcano beneath the sea that creates her own island. I need no one. I need nothing. I am all I have. I am all I will ever need.
I'm having a bad day. It scares me how easily I can go from warm and sweet, to stone in a few seconds. Somehow I convinced myself this morning that I didn't need you. I don't, not really, but you make me better; and I want you here, with me. I just... I just need to remember that I can still stand alone sometimes.
