HBD

I still look for you.

I miss you.

I look for you in the eyes of every boy who has caught mine. 

I try to find you in the warmth that seeps into me when lying with someone else. 

I try to search for hints of your thoughts in the conversations I have with all of them. 

I try to find the shadow of your bright, knowing smile on their lips 

and try not to cringe when I don't see it.

You're the same, and different at the same time,

 and you're still everything I would ever want and need. 

You're still my white picket fence and two bedroom house with a large yard. 

You're still the happily ever after that I've always dreamed of, and will never have.

You're still every single unanswered question, 

and every single answer to my existence.

But I'm not that to you, am I?

 I was never that to you.

 I never will be.

I still love you, though. 

You still have my heart. 

You can keep it, I don't need it... 

not yet, anyway.

~C